A New Attitude

The universe often has a way of telling us that we exist for more reasons than just sucking air or walking upright. Sometimes the answers come in actions, other times internal realizations, almost all of them unexpectedly. In the instance of someone with great drive, the impact of such an epiphany can sometimes be so valuable that it’s not enough to just realize and act on the things we should, but also completely re-imagine the path we have taken along the way. If past plays an important part in the blueprints of our futures, then perhaps the original foundation is deserving of a new coat of gloss on occasion, too.

I speak of this from the perspective not just of a journalist or a writer, but of a designer, of a creator, of the guy who has tried to throw all of his weight behind something he loves doing for as long as he could. There were times when Cinemaphile.org, particularly in the last two years, just didn’t matter to me – at the same time, it represented the things I was and wanted to be in life, and such notions were impossible to stray from. This new site is the inception of my psyche as it stands today: yours truly still loves the movies enough to make them a priority, and now is the time to continue down a road I have traveled as far back as early 1998, when the movie reviewing first came into my life.

But the path towards fully realizing what the end destination has to offer is often splintered by detours, many of which I allowed to pull me from the paved road over the course of two long and eventful years. On occasion I would tire of the side trail and return to the safety of the main thoroughfare, but those occasions were far in between – and indeed, after spending long periods of time away from the journey, it isn’t always so easy to pick right up where you left off and continue on as if nothing had misguided you along the way.

The distractions are by no means significant to the casual observer, but they were, at the time, powerful enough to change the course of a 23-year-old who was relatively inexperienced in important matters of life. Family tragedy, unexpected reunions, newfound love and personal responsibility to the things that are most important to oneself became more than just elements of guidance in the lesson of living; they were a consuming force, a menagerie of elements that required more attention that I had been willing to give them in the past, resulting in a major realignment of life priorities. In that adjustment, the web-based brain child that I held as most dear to me had to be put on a back burner. It was not an easy decision to make, but in order to stabilize everything about yourself, sometimes dreams simply have to wait.

Everything that has kept me away from the things I adore professionally are finally in manageable means, and I am once again staring down the long and adventurous road that I spent nearly eight full years hiking across. Does the journey continue, or have the distractions proven great enough to sway me onto another road? I am reminded of the last moments of Robert Zemeckis’ “Cast Away,” in which the hero is forced into the realization, rather harshly, that even the most drastic of changes are no reason to prevent you from going on living. Conceding a race after only three-fourths of it is finished is not an act to follow for anyone with goals, otherwise everything one works for has been for the sake of…. what, exactly?

Cinemaphile.org remains my baby. I care about it, miss having it occupying me free time, thrive at the prospect of sitting at a keyboard again and resuming right where I left off with it. Knowing as much as I do now, two years beyond the point when it started taking less of a priority, I know the fervor that remains in my heart for seeing it thrive is legitimate and unyielding. I still genuinely love going to the movies, even if the movies themselves have seldom been eventful enough to make me see just how much I adore the pastime. One does not invest so much time into one single project just for the sake of seeing it end at the hands of obstacles, though.

The site and its content were my outlet for professional desires at a time when those goals did not take the right shape to find relevance in the real world, but far be it from me to allow a few bad cinematic seeds distract me from the continued, irreplaceable experience of going to the movies, absorbing the content and being able to analyze it in a way that provokes intriguing dialogue between readers and colleagues. The universe does not intend or desire so seemingly a recreational activity to dictate our entire existence, needless to say, but as is the case of anyone who has lived and experienced enough to finally realize what he wants, a puzzle is not complete unless all the pieces have come together. This place and my passion for it are the final piece of that puzzle. Feel free to sit back and watch the game.

Written by DAVID KEYES