The Whole Nine Yards / * (2000)

"The Whole Nine Yards" is a movie so stunningly bad and so incredibly inept that, for a brief while, I debated whether or not the film actually deserved a review from me. Shortly after that question entered my mind, the movie entered #1 at the domestic box office, thus providing a purpose of putting my own two cents in on this mess. A late warning is, I guess, better than none at all.

What's even more disheartening is the continuing success of the picture; while it tramples the box office competitors, great and important works like "Magnolia" and "Wonder Boys" are disappearing from the list almost as soon as they are introduced. How sad that decent moviegoers are missing films that actually have something to say and are flocking to those that merely have something to mock.

Hook / *** (1991)

The countless realizations of the childhood fantasy "Peter Pan" are more common than remakes of "The Hunchback Of Notre Dame," but probably more effective. The story visualizes a place where children can stay any age they wish, battle pirates, swim with Mermaids, and fulfill all sorts of adventures without the discipline of a parent to interfere. In other words, a dream come true for any little boy under the age of seven.

"Peter Pan" was certainly one of my faves at the time. But each of us has a soft spot for childlike myths even after the years have passed by, because such stories constantly remind us of the fearsome possibilities of youth and its many adventures. Could this explain why there are so many interpretations? Partially. But I think the subject endures so many remakes simply because it seeks exposure to each new generation. Most of the renditions, though, are produced for the stage--there have only been a handful of movies using Pan as the source material.

Jakob the Liar / ** (1999)

To see "Jakob The Liar" in its entirety is to endure "Life Is Beautiful" with ice dripping down our necks. Sometimes there are subjects in movies that do not require second interpretations, especially if they have nothing new to add to the touchy subject. What we deal with here is a second round of the holocaust, but one that is so overly dramatized by its writers and characters that one is left feeling cold and detached. No one needs a second movie in two years involving this subject to start with; when it begins playing with our minds, attempting to pass off as deeply poignant drama, then the matter gets worse.

Mission to Mars / *1/2 (2000)

Astronauts hope that technology will one day permit them to walk on the surface of Mars. Only thirty years before, mankind was taking steps on the moon, looking out into the starry universe with hopes that, in the foreseeable future, they could journey even farther than that. At any rate, though, one wonders why it has taken so long to push the boundaries (a college instructor I got into a discussion with once said that we have the equipment right now to walk on the red planet--just not the immediate desire). Machines have already been sent to the surface to take samples of the soil and atmosphere; now we merely await the next step.

The Next Best Thing / *1/2 (2000)

You've got to applaud Madonna. Here is a woman who has managed to weather every harsh criticism that has come her way in the past 17 years, both with her controversial music and her considerably-mixed movies. She's undefeatable; invulnerable to the heaviest of offenses and cruelest of remarks. But that shouldn't stop her from worrying a bit about certain aspects of her career.

Musically, she's one of the greatest women of all time; cinematically, however, very little has helped establish her as a hardworking actress. There are a couple of exceptions--both "A League Of Their Own" and "Evita" showcased talents that we never thought she had to begin with--but most work is, bluntly, complete crap. A 1993 film called "Body Of Evidence" would be exhibit A if there were ever trials that could prosecute actors for horrible roles.

The Ninth Gate / *** (2000)

Ever notice how all the new movies dealing with some form of Satanism tend to be extremely absurd? We're living in an era where anything that tries to be "The Exorcist" or "The Omen" goes completely overboard--last Thanksgiving saw the arrival of "End Of Days," featuring a story as ludicrous as an episode of "The X-Files," and before that we had "Stigmata" to deal with. While the latter film achieves some thrills, its nonsensical plot outline prevented the real scares from ever showing up.

This, to a certain effect, is the core problem with Roman Polanski's "The Ninth Gate." Here is a story that almost no one will be able to comprehend--one that is confusing, odd, dimwitted and often unbelievable. But I find myself recommending the picture regardless. Though the premise is considerably shallow, and it shifts back and forth between intriguing and ridiculous, the lush imagery presents us with high energy and is so well shot that we want to keep watching.

Boiler Room / ** (2000)

"Boiler Room" features an array of characters who watch movies like "Wall Street" and "Glengary Glenn Ross," and who strive for excellence in their careers even though greed and dishonesty are the only two things that influence their effort. These are among the most self-centered players seen in a movie for quite some time, brokers of a Long Island stock company who pounce on innocent buyers, sell them phony shares, collect the profits and actually get away with it. In a place where the only thing that matters is a paycheck, one expects lots of things to happen. Nothing is sadder, though, than seeing such promise dashed when the picture retreads to the obvious and borrows its energy from other films. This is exactly the kind of problem that plagues "Boiler Room"; its promising characters are completely eclipsed by the routine plot, which is so dreary and predictable that watching the events unfold becomes somewhat of a checklist.

Reindeer Games / * (2000)

The average human being knows that pathological liars usually deserve whatever they get, and in "Reindeer Games," actor Ben Affleck creates a character that survives on feeding lies to whoever will listen, and then (surprise surprise!) learns the hard way of how they can turn around and bite back. He stars as Rudy, a prison inmate convicted of grand theft auto, spurred by the notion of being freed in two days from the maximum security stronghold. He wants hot chocolate. He wants pecan pie. Most importantly, he wants to meet up with a beautiful woman named Ashley, who has been writing love letters for the past few years while he has been behind bars. Once he gets his wish, however, Ashley's very own brother, a ruthless man named Gabriel (Gary Sinise), blackmails Rudy into heading up a heist on a popular nearby casino on Christmas Eve when security is diverged and the customers sparse. But how do we feel sorry for the ex-con after he is dragged into the criminal act? Heck, Rudy isn't even the man Ashley has been writing the love letters to!

Snow Day / * (2000)

The simplicity of a premise is sometimes the best possible concept for certain movies, and when the word comedy enters the mind, the finest examples we tend to think of first are those that don't reach so high to attain their sense of humor. This is essential thinking because laughter is most easily seen in everyday situations--at the office, in the school yard, on the streets, and even right in the home. The only real differentiating factor between each is the approach of the slapstick; some choose to provoke the comedy with cruelty and/or intentional distress, others simply rely on the threat of embarrassment to amuse the moviegoer.

Snow Falling on Cedars / **1/2 (1999)

Scott Hicks' visionary "Snow Falling On Cedars" employs one of the most enticing styles of filmmaking that is, unfortunately, rarely seen from our other great movie directors. The approach is a standoff presentation, one that doesn't simply move in a straightforward manner but refers to past memories and flashbacks to garner its credible facts for the audience. The possibilities, both visually and narratively, have almost no limits--the glorious "Dolores Claiborne," for instance, manages to tell two stories both in present day and in the past tense, using only aging makeup and an ominous tone to separate the two. Hicks, who directed the emotionally-drenched "Shine," knows this style like the back of his hand, and presents it here using visual beauty to back up the promising premise. No story done in this manner, however, is always easily absorbed (in all fairness, the importance of present occurrences can get ignored for the past circumstances in these pictures).

The Beach / *1/2 (2000)

"The Beach" is quite easily the most colorful bad movie of the year, the first in ages to use big actors and technical resplendence to tell a story as insipid and preposterous as most Adam Sandler comedies. At the center of its plot is a character who feels identity is merely irrelevant to anyone who asks ("My name is Richard. What else do you need to know?"), and occupies the movie like one of those hopeless adventurers in search for something that may, or may not, actually exist. In his mind, travelers spend all of their vacationing time and effort doing things they could easily do in the comfort of their own homes; it is his hope, after landing ground at Bangkok, to go in search of something that will make him feel rejuvenated. But what could one possibly find refreshing in a place as complex as this? The search for paradise is one such matter that piques his curiosity--that is, at least after a hotel neighbor offers him a map of one.

The End of the Affair / ** (2000)

Isn't it funny how all the elaborate Hollywood romances are those in which characters find love through infidelity? The old movie love stories were never this daring or peculiar, as it was seen back then that romance was only found by those without foregoing relationships. Now it seems like every other one is breaking the sacred vows; sometimes characters who have been together for more than ten years suddenly decide that they are stuck in a rut, and their wandering eye takes them to new ventures. Studios still churn out the typical romances, but they have become so formulaic and orthodox that very little craftsmanship is found in them (just look at "Runaway Bride").

Not of This World / ***1/2 (2000)

"The things we want, happen always at the wrong moment. Too soon, too late, a little before, a little after..." - Giuseppe Piccioni

The Italians must be grateful, indeed, to have been given such magnificent directors as Roberto Benigni and Giuseppe Piccioni. In 1998, Benigni's sense of comical genius and heartfelt sensitivity influenced his making "Life Is Beautiful," a story about a father who pretends that the holocaust is a game to protect the innocence of his confused child. Piccioni is a similar director, but one that has, unfortunately, gone unrecognized by the mainstream moviegoers. Whereas Benigni has never really done much else other than his sleeper hit two years ago, this man has been making passionate dramas for close to 15 years: stories that reflect the human spirit and devotion to life without all of the traditional Hollywood melodrama circumstances interfering.

Pitch Black / ** (2000)

"Pitch Black" is the first movie I've seen that tries to mix elements of a slasher film and an "Alien" sequel to get its thrills. It may also be the first film to arrive at the conclusion that, if a planet has three suns in its scope, they can all have simultaneous eclipses every 20 years or so. That certainly doesn't seem like a big deal, but for the characters who discover nocturnal aliens who feed on human flesh, the event is anything but welcomed with anticipation. In a landscape of brightly pale colors and peculiar ancient ruins, survivors of a crashed space vessel must come together and set aside their past differences for survival; once the suns have moved behind a planet circled in rings, the shrieks of alien beings and the crunch of eaten bones will be the only sounds they hear.

X / ***1/2 (1996)

I adore movies that keep the curtains pulled over the eyes of the viewer, sporadically giving off hints so that they are forced to solve the mystery right alongside the characters. It's the kind of approach that keeps eyes peeled with perpetual awareness, and allows the audience to feel like they have a significant role in how the story resolves. Would "Dark City" have been effective if we were informed of the mystery and the characters weren't? Hardly. Would we find much excitement in the "Scream" pictures if we knew who the killers were beforehand? Definitely not.The most stimulating pictures are those that construct a story of massive audacity, only to deliver conclusions that have the same impact on the audience as it does on the characters.